August 2008
Large Hadron Collider May Destroy Earth Tomorrow, Create Hilarious Typos
Countdown to Large Hadron Collider
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8/6/2008 9:25:47 PM
July 2008
Eight Picture Guinea Pig Photoessay Serves as Heavy-Handed Metaphor for Life
Link to photo essay
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7/23/2008 10:07:44 AM
Recent and Future Events of the Past and Imminent Present
First, I owe Lefferts a tremendous debt of gratitude for pimping Sal's Pizza so furiously on Save Fitchburg. Sal's pizza is what all other pizza...
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7/2/2008 5:03:16 PM
June 2008
Hot Debate Action at the old First Church
Flanagan versus Knuuttila. Tonight. 6:30pm.
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6/23/2008 1:02:20 PM
Mmmm... Push Polling!
Friends of Hello Fitchburg received anti-Flanagan push-polling calls this week, raising the obvious question: who's paying for this? Last we heard,...
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6/11/2008 7:31:56 PM
May 2008
Today's Timewaster: Stereogram Tetris
I've been a fan of stereograms since I was a kid, but I had no idea that there were actually stereogram games. This stereogram version of Tetris is a...
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5/29/2008 3:21:06 PM
Awesome Otis Rush Clip
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5/23/2008 8:18:00 AM
Worried about being shot in the face? Try my Face Protection Spray.
I'm 1970s Abraham Lincoln, and yes, it really is impossible to shoot me in the face*. Being shot in the face is one of the fastest growing crimes in...
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5/22/2008 2:09:22 PM
This Year, I Shall Finally Win the Longsjo
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5/20/2008 1:00:57 PM
New Poll: How do you feel about the proposed trash fee?
Go nuts.
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5/18/2008 1:45:58 PM
A List Of My Demands
1. Free ice cream, available at my whim.2. A pony, preferably with an agreeable demeanor and an attractive and well-kept mane. The pony should...
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5/14/2008 6:50:00 PM
April 2008
This is Why Your History Professor Cries Himself to Sleep
As seen at a pro-Tibet rally in San Francisco.
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4/22/2008 1:22:29 PM
Movie Review: The Golden Compass
I've watched a lot of bad in-flight movies1, and I can only blame myself. First, I have a really hard time ignoring things in my peripheral vision. ...
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4/17/2008 12:20:18 AM
We Live in Strange Times
Yesterday it was the story of a gentleman who, while already under arrest for assault, tried to secure his release from two Leominster police officers...
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4/9/2008 10:55:30 AM
Amazing BBC Documentary on Flying Penguins
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4/1/2008 5:26:20 PM
March 2008
Context is Everything
Alert readers will note the banner ad at the top of the page, and astute readers will note the apparent disconnect between the content of the site and...
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3/31/2008 5:33:38 PM
Coming to Alderaan
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3/29/2008 4:54:26 PM
Mike Barnicle on WBUR?
In a departure from its 58-year history of broadcasting excellence, local NPR station WBUR is rumored to be courting Fitchburg native Mike Barnicle,...
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3/29/2008 11:17:35 AM
Magic Sam, Where Have You Been All My Life?
I discovered blues music as a teenager in the same way that most do - I worked my way backward from rock music. It's only now, as an adult, that I...
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3/25/2008 6:22:19 PM
Exclusive Video of Hillary Clinton Dodging Sniper Fire in Bosnia
"I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our...
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3/21/2008 3:46:36 PM
Hannaford Got Hacked
Be sure to check your credit and debit card statements if you've (ever?) shopped at Hannaford. The supermarket chain announced yesterday that their...
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3/18/2008 11:05:47 AM
Other Recent Remarks by Septuagenarian Gadfly Geraldine Ferraro
“The only reason Theodore Roosevelt is on Mt. Rushmore is because he had a moustache.”“The only reason Fritz and I lost every state except Minnesota...
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3/12/2008 11:53:11 PM
Fitchburg is the Subject of Tonight's 'Chronicle'
"Lisa Wong has a vision. The new mayor of Fitchburg thinks the old mill city is ready to be reborn as a tourist destination and a business center - if...
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3/11/2008 10:12:45 AM
Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Subprime Mortgages (but were afraid to ask)
(via Greg Mankiw)
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3/10/2008 1:38:30 PM
Sometimes a Headline Says It All
John Denver karaoke sparks Thai killing spree
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3/8/2008 7:39:49 PM
February 2008
Oopsie
“One of Clinton’s laws of politics is this: If one candidate’s trying to scare you and the other one’s trying to get you to think, if one candidate’s...
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2/29/2008 12:37:32 PM
Mylott May Run For Antonioni's Seat
PRESIDENTIAL AIDE: "President Bloomberg? Senator Mylott is here to see you."PRESIDENT BLOOMBERG: "Oh, yes! Send him in. Hello, Dan - how is your...
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2/6/2008 3:29:47 PM
Lisa Wong Onstage With Obama
Click the image to see the full picture with Ted and Caroline Kennedy, John Kerry and Deval Patrick.
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2/5/2008 10:26:10 AM
Vote Early and Wisely
If you're a Democrat, this Tuesday you'll have the chance to vote in an election that many of us believed we might not see in our lifetime. It's a...
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2/4/2008 12:35:00 PM
Chronology of an Important and Embarrassing Life Lesson
10:00 am: Oh my god! The apartment building is on fire!10:01 am: I'd better warn the neighbors!10:03 am: Whew! We barely made it out of...
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2/3/2008 11:50:00 AM
January 2008
Ethanol is Boring, But You Should Read This Anyway
I've always been ambivalent about the ethanol issue (EROEI calculation, subsidies, politics of Iowa, etc), so this article in Scientific American...
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1/12/2008 1:55:51 PM
Pussy Ruxpin's Clinton Rant
A friend asked me recently why, as a staunch feminist, I’m voting for Barack Obama and not Hillary Clinton. It’s a valid question although, frankly,...
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1/7/2008 3:07:47 PM
Watching the Republican Debate, Banging Head Repeatedly Against Table
7:15pm TV on. 7:20pm Ron Paul tries to explain that US foreign policy has consequences, makes a fairly compelling and logical argument that 50 years...
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1/5/2008 6:28:55 PM
Are We Really Recycling?
I've heard rumors from several sources now that our curbside recycling isn't being recycled at all - that it's going straight into landfills. I'm...
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1/5/2008 1:27:47 PM
Obama Nails It
I've been excited about Barack Obama since I first saw him speak at the 2004 Democratic National Convention. He gave a hell of a speech then, and...
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1/4/2008 8:29:12 AM
December 2007
The Solution to the iPhone Glove Problem is Right in Front of Your Face
I was talking with a friend yesterday about the iPhone - that miraculous piece of technology that inspires unparalleled cynicism and derision until...
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12/30/2007 10:10:52 AM
Don't Forget to Register to Vote
Just a quick reminder that the voter registration deadline in Massachusetts for primary participants is January 16th. Click here to request a voter...
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12/26/2007 7:26:06 PM
Is it Christmas?
Is it Christmas?The best part is the RSS feed.
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12/15/2007 7:55:29 AM
November 2007
I Nominate Hannah Storm for the Peabody Award
Every so often, I see something so jaw-droppingly stupid that words actually fail me, and I'm left with nothing but an expression on my face that...
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11/23/2007 8:42:52 AM
We Thought They Would Be Monkeys
A few weeks ago I mentioned the horrifying, monkey-inflicted death of Delhi's deputy mayor, and postulated that some sort of local monkey-related...
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11/16/2007 9:21:10 AM
Seventy-Two Percent
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11/6/2007 11:27:32 PM
Yes, you have to vote again. Here's why.
I know some of you are thinking, "I just voted a few weeks ago. Why do I have to vote again?"In our system of government, we have what are called...
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11/5/2007 6:47:17 AM
October 2007
Donnelly Redefines Desperation
Today's mail brought an unpleasant surprise (click on thumbnails to enlarge):Uh oh. Flip it over to see:Oh, Tom. You're not really this desperate,...
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10/27/2007 10:49:09 AM
Where is Your Boomer God Now?
I’ve made no secret of the fact that I loathe baby boomers, or as I often refer to them in my measured, Brokaw-influenced inflection, “The...
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10/26/2007 7:01:00 PM
Horde of Monkeys Attacks and Kills Mayor
Citizens today mourn the loss of a beloved city official in yet another horrific display of random monkey violence. It may not have been our mayor...
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10/23/2007 12:15:01 PM
The Revolution Apparently Begins in Leominster
We get a lot of grief from our southern neighbors. They live in palatial estates adorned with concrete driveway lions and robot servants. Most of...
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10/14/2007 10:04:54 PM
Donnelly Unveils Exciting New Campaign Themes
I’ve heard a lot of people use the phrase “I almost feel sorry for Tom Donnelly.” It’s not surprising. Donnelly has taken a spectacular beating at...
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10/2/2007 2:25:21 PM
September 2007
You Voted, You Magnificent Bastards
When I first came to Fitchburg, it was hard not to notice the pervasive negativity of longtime residents. That message apparently traveled pretty...
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9/26/2007 7:47:00 PM
Vote Tuesday, Or Else
Fitchburg has a pretty abysmal voter turnout rate. In a city of 40,000, an average of 3 to 4 thousand show up for elections. Ten percent. That's...
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9/24/2007 3:05:00 PM
Wong Kicked Ass
If you weren't present at Thursday's mayoral debate, go watch it right now. Lisa Wong didn't just win the thing, she raised the bar for Fitchburg...
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9/22/2007 1:53:55 PM
Questions for the Candidates
Sentinel and Enterprise Editor Jeff McMenemy is soliciting questions for Thursday's big mayoral debate at Fitchburg State College. This is a rare and...
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9/17/2007 2:06:00 PM
New Poll: Who Won Tonight's Mayoral Debate?
Who won tonight's live debate on FATV? Vote now!
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9/13/2007 8:22:00 PM
Headlines Good, Articles Bad!
Know what's great? Newspaper headlines!Imagine the intellect required to take a few-hundred word article and condense the basic gist of it into a...
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9/10/2007 2:11:05 PM
Patrick Just Says No to Abstinence-only Sex Ed
I missed this in the Sentinel when it was reported a couple of days ago, but it appears that the Patrick administration has rejected $700,000 in...
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9/9/2007 5:32:25 PM
I, For One, Welcome Our Plastic Dutch Overlords
Dutch artist Theo Jansen demonstrates his kinetic sculptures at TED (an annual supergenius / nerd convention), built from plastic tubes and lemonade...
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9/9/2007 2:40:55 PM
Children and Young Adult Literature Giant Dies
Okay, so she wasn't an actual, physical giant. But her reputation was giant, and she wrote an incredible array of literature - not just for kids and...
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9/7/2007 3:12:06 PM
Visibly Exhausted and Disheveled Mayoral Candidate Enters 28th Day of Captivity on Sentinel and Enterprise Home Page
Thomas Donnelly, a lifelong Fitchburg resident and candidate for mayor, has been imprisoned in a small box on the home page of the Sentinel and...
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9/6/2007 10:38:00 AM
Meet the Candidates
If there’s anything we’ve learned from the last 50 years, it’s that television is a much better format for entertainment than it is for disseminating...
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9/4/2007 5:52:35 PM
August 2007
Reminder: Register to Vote
If you'd like to vote in the September 25th primary and you haven't already registered, September 4th is the deadline. Registration forms are...
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8/29/2007 3:33:12 PM
Gluten Terror Strikes New Haven!
As if it weren't bad enough that terrorists are attacking our beloved town with terrifying "tinfoil bombs", the AP today reports that we now have...
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8/28/2007 1:17:37 PM
Unitil Executives Twirl Comically Villainous Moustaches, Prepare to Tie Fitchburg Residents to the Railroad Tracks
According to this week’s Fitchburg Pride, universally-reviled local utility provider Unitil plans to substantially increase its base distribution rate...
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8/21/2007 4:17:03 PM
The Sentinel's Crazy Flash Games
As a big nerd, I'm fond of online Flash games. As a follower of the news, I'm not crazy about the local Sentinel & Enterprise newspaper or their...
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8/17/2007 2:06:19 PM
Visual Aid: 2008 Presidential Candidates on the Issues
The 2008 primary season is fast approaching, offering voters in otherwise overlooked states the opportunity to eat beyond their means and...
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8/13/2007 3:03:06 PM
Scary Loud Pop Terrorizes Fitchburg
We're living in scary times. Apparently very scary times, as related in a story in yesterday's Sentinel. The thrilling tale is entitled Unknown object...
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8/10/2007 8:27:19 AM
Nineteen Questions You Might Be Left Wondering After Reading This Article in the Sentinel
Article1. So, the bouncer was checking IDs, right?2. Then I guess all of those kids had fake IDs?3. Still, how does an 11 year old pass for an...
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8/8/2007 7:54:28 PM
Thursday Night Comedy at Destare
Straight from the Chamber of Commerce marketing department to you:Café Destare is
having a VERY unique show this Thursday evening. They will have...
posted
8/7/2007 3:59:00 PM
Six great webcomics
Okay, enough of this political stuff...
In my discussions with 1970's Abe Lincoln I've been informed that Hello Fitchburg is open to all kinds of...
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8/6/2007 6:11:57 PM
Online Poll: Fitchburg Mayoral Race
With Mylott out of the race, it's down to just four exciting candidates. In other words, it's time for another completely unscientific poll. I...
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8/4/2007 11:48:41 AM
Mayor Mylott no longer running for Mayor!
The local Fitchburg Pride newspaper has just announced (in giant exciting letters!) that Dan Mylott has decided not to seek re-election, despite...
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8/1/2007 1:20:03 PM