Memo to Crazy People: Please Run For Office
posted by
1970s Abraham Lincoln
posted
9/15/2008 5:16:00 PM
Tomorrow is the primary, and frankly I'm bored shitless. I realize that some of you are all worked
up about Knuuttila and Flanagan, but even Jen and Brian would have to admit that this thing is a colossal snoozer compared to last year's election. Remember the collective panic at the idea that DeSalvatore might actually get elected? Remember when everyone thought Ronnie James Dionne was adorable, but then he turned out to be an incredibly sore loser and possibly a mysterious trainyard hobo? Remember when Tommy Donnelly tried to pretend that he was a just-folks outsider who could fix the city despite having been a member of the city council for 110 years? Good times, you guys.
I'm voting for Jen Flanagan, and it's not just because Brian Knuuttila ran away from our house like a socially awkward five-year-old on Halloween when we answered the door. No, I'm voting for Flanagan because she's been endorsed by an overwhelming number of organizations that reflect my values, while Knuutilla has the dubious distinction of being endorsed by 11 city councilors, 9 of whom I would not trust to mow my lawn. Knuuttila is also supported by a disproportionate number of the people who blindly ran this city into the ground. In fact, he mailed a giant picture postcard last week to helpfully illustrate this fact. I almost scanned it so I could make fun of the Sussudio-era-Phil-Collins-looking-guy with the soul patch and sunglasses - either a passerby inadvertently caught in the frame or someone I'm supposed to recognize but who was too cool to smile. I almost scanned it. Almost.
See? I can barely muster the interest. This election is boring. You should still go vote, and I encourage you to vote for Flanagan, but it's still boring. Sorry Jen, sorry Brian.
So for next year, I insist on the following:
1. One legitimately exciting new candidate
2. That guy with the cowboy hat who shouts at cars
3. Ted DeSalvatore. Come on, you know you want it.
4. Another longtime city councilor with a sense of entitlement
5. Five new candidates for city council with college educations who are not related to any past or current office holders
6. Ron Dionne, running for literally anything
With a little luck, 2009 can be just like 2007. I promise.
Tags: flanagan, knuuttila, boredom
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