Recent and Future Events of the Past and Imminent Present
posted by
1970s Abraham Lincoln
posted
7/2/2008 5:03:16 PM
First, I owe Lefferts a tremendous debt of gratitude for pimping Sal's Pizza so furiously on Save Fitchburg. Sal's pizza is what all other pizza should aspire to be. Seriously. Go there now, and buy a slice [or ten]. Despite the relatively recent failure of two other restaurants in the same location1, I have no doubt that Sal's will succeed, because it is awesome.
Next, allow me to congratulate whichever parties are responsible for the outstanding success of the Nashua River Brewer's Festival. I have never seen quite so many shitfaced ebullient members of city government together in one location2. All of the beers were fantastic [except for the Berkshire Hefeweizen, which is probably the worst thing I've ever put in my mouth]. Hopefully this success will inspire the Bierfest organizers to strive for something greater than oompah music and Spaten.
Finally, be advised that it is your civic responsibility to watch and enjoy the 49th Annual Longsjo Classic, which is damn near the closest thing that Fitchburg has to an institution. Let this also serve as a notice that you will be unable to drive anywhere during daylight hours until the race is over.
Sincerely,
1970s Abraham Lincoln
1. Ok, we'll assume that Quizno's failed because some overeager 22-year-old marketing coordinator promised his boss that America would absolutely love Joel Veitch's animated sponge monkeys. But for the second proprietor... why would you open a burger joint and name it after an African thumb piano? Would you name a Chinese restaurant "The Mariachi Pavillion"? Would you name an Indian restaurant "Bagpipes A-Plenty"? No, because that doesn't make any sense. The first time we drove by, we said, "Oh, holy crap! It's an African restaurant in Fitchburg!" Then we looked at the menu. Kalimba would still be open if it had been named "Burger-Rama" or "Burger Explosion" or "Burger! Burger! Burger!" or "Burgertopia" or "Burgerlicious" or "Burger Paradisio" or "El Burger" or frankly anything at all that might suggest what type of food was being served.
2. Except for at The Boulder after every city council meeting.
Tags: longsjo, brewers festival, bierfest, berkshire hefeweizen, kalimba grill, peniston
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