A List Of My Demands
posted by
1970s Abraham Lincoln
posted
5/14/2008 6:50:00 PM
1. Free ice cream, available at my whim.
2. A pony, preferably with an agreeable demeanor and an attractive and well-kept mane. The pony should respond to all reasonable voice commands, and perhaps be named "Mr. Pony", or "Commander Pony", or "Admiral Pony-ton III".
3. To be addressed at all times as "Your Lordship" or "The Duke".
4. Jet pack.
5. To be treated with a modicum of dignity by the doorman at Destare.
6. A sequel to Big Trouble in Little China.
7. Video card upgrade path for Mac Pro.
8. Unitil replaced by benevolent utility company that charges regionally competitive rates. Alternately, Unitil destroyed by superintelligent ants from outer space.
9. An agnostic coffee shop on Main Street.
10. A bunny.
11. Brakemen have to tip their hats, railroad bulls are blind.
12. Waterproof basement.
13. Fifth season of Battlestar Galactica.
14. For all the children of the world to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.
15. To not have bought Palm at IPO, or to have bought Google at IPO.
16. Hovercar.
17. Despite years of mind-boggling mismanagement, to reap the benefits of all city services - freshly paved roads, immediate police and fire response, weekly trash and recycling pickup, 24 hour library services, safe streets, and a vibrant downtown - and never have to pay a dime.
Tags: unreasonable expectations, libertarians, ron paul
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