posted by
1970s Abraham Lincoln
posted
4/22/2008 1:22:29 PM
As seen at a pro-Tibet rally in San Francisco.
Tags: olympics, amusing signs, china
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posted by
1970s Abraham Lincoln
posted
4/17/2008 12:20:18 AM
I've watched a lot of bad in-flight movies1, and I can only blame myself. 
First, I have a really hard time ignoring things in my peripheral vision. Second, I've never been able to sleep on a plane, and when I do pack reading material it's almost always something I think I should read (like An Analytical Approach to Discrete Mathematics in Supervisory Control and Data Acquisition Systems, Mandarin Braille Edition), instead of something I'm likely to read, like Professor Fartboner's Illustrated Compendium of Fart and Boner Jokes, Extra Boner Edition. So once I come to terms with the idea that I'll end up watching most of the film despite my best intentions to the contrary, I usually cave and put on the complimentary headphones. Headphones aren't always necessary to follow the thread of the film, but it minimizes the chances that you'll get stuck talking to the elderly woman seated next to you who is inexplicably excited about visiting Idaho.
While I hadn't planned to see The Golden Compass, I was aware of the
manufactured controversy (it was written by an atheist). I also knew that it essentially bankrupted New Line Cinema, and that
it prominently featured a quasi-bearded, polar-bear-fighting James
Bond. I was also aware that it was not likely to be good. Most fantasy
movies spend more effort on CGI than plot development, and since the
ads I'd seen left me without any clue to the premise, I assumed it was going to be another League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (also seen on a plane), or that movie where Hugh Jackman fights werewolves piltdown man vampires .
Anyway, The Golden Compass is about a little girl who is more precocious and/or Australian than Dakota Fanning2. Australian Dakota Fanning lives in a parallel universe where people have an unhealthy relationship with their pets, and a religious cabal conspires to thwart scientific exploration in order to maintain political influence and suppress dissent3. Daniel Craig plays Australian Dakota Fanning's uncle, who travels to the north pole to fight eskimos and talking bears. The bears wear armor [which is awesome], and are voiced by famous British stage actors like Count Dooku and the guy who kissed Jimmy Fallon on the mouth.
Although the movie is marketed to four-year-olds, they lay a lot on you in the first thirty minutes. First of all, you learn that the force is actually made of tiny particles called midichlorians. Then you learn that Daniel Craig is only on-screen for about seven minutes of the twenty-nine thousand minute film, and that Nicole Kidman is a less credible actor than either a twelve-year-old kid or a computer-generated bear. By the time the narrator from The Big Lebowski shows up in a blimp with a sass-talking bunny rabbit (I am not making this up), you're either totally onboard or you're learning more about Idaho.
The Golden Compass failed at the box office for a variety of reasons, but ultimately I blame hubris. There is no greater predictor of box office death than an overt reference to a sequel in the final minutes of a film. They may not have announced a title, but there was an explicit promise that the next film would solve all of the problems raised in the first. For the sake of Australian Dakota Fanning and that sass-talking bunny rabbit, I hope it happens - and with any luck, it'll coincide with the release of Buckaroo Banzai vs. The World Crime League.
1. Norbit eastbound, Norbit westbound
2. Who by astonishing coincidence is also named "Dakota"
3. Which is preposterous
Tags: movie reviews, the golden compass, daniel craig, talking bears
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posted by
1970s Abraham Lincoln
posted
4/9/2008 10:55:30 AM
Yesterday it was the story of a gentleman who, while already under arrest for assault, tried to secure his release from two Leominster police officers by offering to "hook them up" with free pizza.
Today, it's carnies breaking into a casket factory.
And now this:
Tags: pizza bribes, carnies in a casket factory, the mccain girls
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posted by
1970s Abraham Lincoln
posted
4/1/2008 5:26:20 PM
Tags: flying penguins
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posted by
1970s Abraham Lincoln
posted
3/31/2008 5:33:38 PM
Alert readers will note the banner ad at the top of the page, and astute readers will note the apparent disconnect between the content of the site and the content of the banners.
"Why," some may ask, "would you have adverts for John McCain and Newsmax, when you're clearly a filthy Obama-loving liberal?"
The answer is contextual advertising. When you visit the site, a script sends the content of the page to Google, and Google returns a banner ad that matches the keywords selected by an advertiser. So if the "BUNNIES: FOR PETS OR MEAT" guy on Rt 13 North buys an ad for the keyword "bunnies", his ad will show at the top of the page.
We tend to have a lot of content related to national politics, which probably explains the McCain and Newsmax banners. But it got me thinking.
About two months ago, Pussy Ruxpin posted a piece on why (despite being an ardent feminist) she is not supporting Hillary Clinton. The internet being what it is, and search algorithms being what they are, two words from that article, taken out of context, have resulted in the dubious distinction of being on the first page of Google results for a keyword phrase we never imagined. If you guessed that those words were "Hillary Clinton" and "Ruxpin", you were close, but wrong:
Now, there's no way of
knowing what search terms John McCain's internet team is using. For all I know, they advertise on
every site that has a real time list of local Obama events and a link to
donate.barackobama.com. It's probably just a coincidence.
Tags: john mccain's internet team, newsmax, other people with strange interests
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posted by
1970s Abraham Lincoln
posted
3/29/2008 4:54:26 PM
Tags: james earl jones
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posted by
1970s Abraham Lincoln
posted
3/29/2008 11:17:35 AM
In a departure from its 58-year history of broadcasting excellence, local NPR station WBUR is
rumored to be courting Fitchburg native Mike Barnicle, perhaps most recently remembered by locals for singing a funeral dirge his closing remarks in Chronicle's hit piece feature on the city. Quoth WBUR general manager Paul La Camera, "Mike has a remarkable gift and I continue to believe his voice is missed in Boston."
There's long been a visible struggle at WBUR between those who feel that quality programming attracts listeners (and by extension, contributors), and those who would make Daniel Schorr and Jack Beatty fight tigers in a Malaysian pay-per-view cagematch if they thought it would turn a buck*.
Former "The Connection" host Christopher Lydon exposed these internal tensions in his struggle to retain control of his own show, and many were outraged when station administrators not only continued a pledge drive during the opening invasion of the Iraq war in 2003, but actually tried to raise funds using the urgency of those events. Still, despite these and other missteps, WBUR continues to be among the best news stations in the country. So it's a terrible shame, but not a mystery that the general manager - the chief fund-raiser - wants Mike Barnicle. It's the same reason that PBS stations play boomer concerts during pledge drives instead of Nova or Frontline. Barnicle, like The Rolling Stones: Rock n' Roll Circus or John Tesh Live at Red Rocks, is money in the bank for a Boston audience.
*For the record, my money's on Beatty, although Schorr is a wily old man
rumored to have once bitten then-House Minority Leader Gerald
Ford on the hand when Ford attempted to cheat in backgammon. Ford
later apologized, and the two secretly exchanged Christmas cards until
Ford's tragic parasailing accident in 2002**.
**Ford was outlived by his identical twin brother Carl, who continued to fulfill his brother's ex-Presidential obligations until his own death in 2006. Carl knew nothing of his brother's friendship with Schorr, sadly leaving Schorr with the false assumption that an excessively late postmark in 2001 had prompted Ford to end the tradition.
Tags: mike barnicle, chronicle in fitchburg, wbur, a cat turd in your oatmeal
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posted by
1970s Abraham Lincoln
posted
3/25/2008 6:22:19 PM
I discovered blues music as a teenager in the same way that most do - I worked my way backward from rock music. It's only now, as an adult, that I really understand the debt owed to the blues musicians who white British and American guitar players so unapologetically plagiarized. And despite having cycled through thousands of records and CDs in my lifetime, combing liner notes and magazine interviews for attributions and inspiration, I seem to have totally missed this guy:
Tags: magic sam, peter green and eric clapton have some splainin' to do
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posted by
1970s Abraham Lincoln
posted
3/21/2008 3:46:36 PM
"I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base."
Tags: hillary clinton, bosnia, tuzla, sinbad
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posted by
1970s Abraham Lincoln
posted
3/18/2008 11:05:47 AM
Be sure to check your credit and debit card statements if you've (ever?) shopped at Hannaford. 
The supermarket chain announced yesterday that their network has been breached, and that credit and debit card numbers have been stolen:
Dear Customer:
Hannaford has contained a data intrusion into its computer network that resulted in the theft of customer credit and debit card numbers. No personal information, such as names or addresses, was accessed. Hannaford doesn’t collect, know or keep any personally identifiable customer information from transactions.
We sincerely regret this intrusion into our systems, which we believe, are among the strongest in the industry. The stolen data was limited to credit and debit card numbers and expiration dates, and was illegally accessed from our computer systems during transmission of card authorization.
The intrusion affected Hannaford stores, Sweetbay stores in Florida and certain independently-owned retail locations in the Northeast that carry Hannaford products.
For more than 125 years, Hannaford has been dedicated to earning customer trust, and we want to provide you with these recommended steps:
- Carefully review your financial institution and credit card statements, and immediately contact your credit card company or issuing bank with any questions or concerns about individual charges.
- For more information or with questions, please call our Customer Information Center at 866-591-4580.
Hannaford is cooperating with credit and debit card issuers to ensure those customers who may be affected by the theft are protected. We also alerted law enforcement authorities, and are working closely with them to help identify those responsible.
We realize this incident may raise concerns and questions for our customers, and we sincerely regret any inconvenience this attack on our system may cause you. As always, we appreciate you choosing to shop at Hannaford. We remain committed to providing you with the finest foods and a clean, friendly and secure shopping experience.
Sincerely,
Ronald C. Hodge
President and CEO
Hannaford
Missing from the official statement is any indication of when the breach took place, or how many months (or years) of data was stolen. So for the sake of safety, assume that if you've ever used a credit or debit card at a Hannaford store, your information may have been stolen. Furthermore, there's no indication that the breach even happened this year. TJX waited months to announce that their customer data had been stolen.
Particularly troubling for me, though, is this statement:
The stolen data was limited to credit and debit card numbers and
expiration dates, and was illegally accessed from our computer systems
during transmission of card authorization.
When a credit card is swiped, the information stored on the magnetic strip is passed to the card processor. This is not just the card number and expiration date - it includes the cardholder's name and other data (including the CVV number required for telephone and internet transactions). I'm not sure how they reconcile this with the statement that "No personal information, such as names or addresses, was accessed." Hopefully we'll see a full accounting of the intrusion (including dates of transactions affected) in the coming days.
Update: Unofficially, the story is that the hack was discovered in late February, and affects transactions made since the first of the year.
Tags: hannaford, bad network security
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posted by
1970s Abraham Lincoln
posted
3/12/2008 11:53:11 PM
“The only reason Theodore Roosevelt is on Mt. Rushmore is because he had a moustache.”
“The only reason Fritz and I lost every state except Minnesota is because we failed to provide a compelling alternative to Reagan’s populism and charisma. Also, Reagan was black, and therefore had a natural advantage with the electorate.”
“If ‘The A-Team’ featured a wisecracking, break-dancing robot instead of Dirk Benedict, that show would still be on television today – and I would watch it every single night.”
“The only reason Hillary Clinton isn’t winning is because she has won fewer delegates, fewer states, and less of the popular vote.”
“If a Werewolf and a Centaur mated, I would have very mixed feelings about the offspring. On one hand, a Werewolf with the lower half of a horse would be terrifying. On the other hand, a person with the lower half of a Werewolf would be almost indistinguishable from a regular person, assuming they wore pants.”
“If there is one thing in this world that I could not live without, it is the wit and wisdom of Jim Davis’ iconic lasagna-loving cat Garfield.”
“If surrogates for the Clinton campaign continue to inject race into the public forum without any effort to address racism or inequality, they will kindle the smoldering, latent fears of uneducated white rural voters. I mean, that's that's the plan, anyway.”
“Did you know that eagles are the only birds that mate for life? Of course it's true. That’s not true? It is so eagles. Did I say eagles or penguins? I said penguins. You know I meant penguins. Whatever.”
“No thank you – I have a hard time digesting cheese.”
"When was the last time there was a really good movie about monkey hijinks? And another thing - why don’t telephones have rotary dials no more? Let me tell you - Any Which Way You Can was no Mildred Pierce. Seriously, when did they stop making those phones?”
Tags: geraldine ferarro, boomers, racists
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posted by
1970s Abraham Lincoln
posted
3/11/2008 10:12:45 AM
"Lisa Wong has a vision. The new mayor of Fitchburg thinks the old mill city is ready to be reborn as a tourist destination and a business center - if residents and investors buy into the idea of a brighter future. Can she overcome the odds in a city challenged by crime and poverty? Anthony Everett goes to Fitchburg to find out. Plus, Mike Barnacle remembers the Fitchburg of his youth, and weighs its chances for a turnaround."
Be sure to watch tonight at 7:30pm on channel 5.
Tags: chronicle, fitchburg, lisa wong
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